A dear friend of mine was in the market to buy a scooter. She really did her homework: she researched various models online, read consumer satisfaction blogs, spoke with a handful of scooter sellers and test drove half a dozen at a specialist scooter show. After weeks of research, she narrowed it down to just two. And then she came unstuck, because she could not decide between them. Making a decision can be really tricky. Particularly if we evaluate the consequences of 'making a wrong decision' to be unpleasant. But this is where our mind can get us into trouble. My friend had sensibly done all of the hard work, she knew what she was looking for and both of the final scooters ticked the boxes. One was clearly not better than the other, just different. Our minds will naturally draw to the opposite. Have you ever stood in front of the ice cream counter trying to make a decision? You only get one scoop - chocolate or vanilla? "I'll have the vanilla. No, wait, maybe I'll have chocolate. No, no, definitely vanilla." And while you're eating, what happens? "I really should have asked for the chocolate." So here is what we can do when it comes to choosing: Be on the lookout - notice that once you have chosen, your mind will tell you all of the reasons why this choice is the wrong one, why the other choice would have been better. Thank your mind for this very helpful suggestion. Recommit to the original choice - remind yourself that you have chosen this. Be mindful - enjoy your choice. Explore it, revel in it, and choose it again and again. The 'right choice' can only be evaluated as such in hindsight and even then it is a poor assessment, because we don't get to play out the alternative. And often there is no best choice. Just a different one. So.....chocolate or vanilla?
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AuthorJulie Grove is a Registered Psychologist, in Sydney NSW and practices a form of therapy called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). Archives
January 2014
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